so many opportunities

After spending the time I have thinking the passed few weeks I have finally realized what is in store for my life. There are so many opportunities out there that I just shouldn't pass up. I now know that even when you think you have it all figured out things can be durastically changed in one instant. This time last summer-I had thought I'd be getting married by 2009, going to school, and working at the airport. Oh how very wrong I was. Life changes so much after high school, and i'm beginning to be greatful to the awakening experiences i've had to show me not to settle quite yet. Who knows where I'll be next summer...or this winter for that matter. I'm letting life take it's course. Being in Alaska I've taught myself that I deserve to do what makes me happy. Whether it means flying across the world to be a nanny, go volunteer in a 3rd world country, learn a new language, start my own business, drop out of school, work seasonally, travel, or just do nothing that's what I should do if that's what brings me joy and happiness. I'm not ready to get married, i'm not ready for that commitment quite yet. There are many things that I want to do before I embark on that portion of my life. I want certain things in my life that haven't ever been more clear to me than they are now. I want to spend my life with certain individuals that I never even realized before. For the longest time I was taking advantage of those that mean the most to me, and I now know that I need to straighten up. My marriage and love preference in the end is completely up to me. I will see how things pan out in many different areas but I can't look at the upside or the downside too much. I can makes plans all i want-but inside i know they'll change the minute their set. I'm not longer signing on the dotted line till i'm sure of what I want. I love my life. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my Job. I love my home. and I love being outside.

Religion aside- I look at others that are close to me and question if they are happy with their lives. We're all so young and have many opportunities laid out before us. It's just making the decision to choose to participate in the options we have. I've been so blessed to be raised with standards and morals that aide me in goal setting and choosing the right path. Although I may have struggled with that straight and narrow path over the years- it helps make me appreciate those who come to it without knowledge growing up so much more.

Every morning I wake up and question what I deserve, and I feel like I should deserve the best. I should deserve something that has not doubt. I deserve to be happy without question. A good analogy i heard recently is "i feel like i just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwhich." That sums up what i've felt the passed since the new year. I need to be able to trust those who give me their word. I need to let go, and embrace some choices i've made over the passed 19 years. I have learned so many lessons throughout my life, and I can only hope that the rest of if will be lived without regret, and with many love and joyous moments.

I'll hang on to that which makes me happy as long as it continues to make me happy. I'll let go when the time is right. I'll hold on to the fact that I may disappoint along the way, but those who know me will love me no matter what the decisions I make. Those who really know me will be there for me at my lowest, and embrace me at my highest. I'm greatful for the clarity I know feel.

I know what I need to do. I'm not going to choose that path quite yet. I'm going to wait...and see how things go. I can no longer make rash decisions. I'm an adult, and need to start making choices accordingly. Starting today, whatever I do-I do because it makes me happy.

"the night is darkest just before dawn." -that is what i'm going through, my dawn is now arriving.