When the time is right - It will be right.

I AM NOT, NOR WAS I EVER BEFORE .... ENGAGED.

Another one of those blogs that consists of random thoughts and feelings I've had the past couple days that result in the lack of sleep at night...for me.

The past week has been a rough one. To put it lightly I have been put in a situation I don't feel is very fair to me. Being this is my blog (and pretty much anyone could be reading this) I don't want to say much about it other than it has been so heartbreaking.

All I know is that with scripture study, fasting, and being prayerful I know everything will be OK:) I have so much faith that taking the necessary steps daily to ultimately get to where I want to be someday - everything will work out. President Hiatt really put it into perspective for me this last week in saying: "when the time is right, it will be right"

I have never once felt that I was rushing into something that I wasn't prepared for. I have diligently been calling upon the spirit to lead and guide me. No one is perfect, and sadly, but surely everyone makes mistakes. Some larger than others! Thankfully for most of us, we have the truthfulness of the gospel and unwavering testimonies that get us through. I have never once ever been in-active in my life! In fact, through my years I have had one of the strongest testimonies given the family I was placed in. It's kind of hard to get off the beaten path with 4 older brothers and a sister who thinks she's "mom" even if I had wanted too. I cherish the gospel and the presence of the spirit in my life daily. I feel I was able to witness [growing up the youngest of 6] my parents live the scripture from John : I have no greater joy than to hear my children walk in truth. The smiles on their faces when my brothers would open a mission call, report to the MTC, get married in the temple, return to school, return with honor, receive patriarchal blessings...all these things have filled my parents with joy - and I was able to see that ... Times five.

I have never once in my life been told I was holding someone back. That I wasn't adored. It is rough to hear that you don't have the love or support from someone you have the utmost respect for. Someone I look up to so much - yet, hardly know. I appreciate and love Ryan's whole family so much. They are awesome. The love and support they share for one another is great:) It reminds me much of my own family and my own siblings. All our parents ever wanted for the Noble kids is for them to make good choices in order to get to where we need/want to be. In watching most my brothers and sisters get married in the Temple it has only helped make it a priority for me. Seeing them and their families I can honestly say I can't wait for my big day [when the time is right]

Do I know for sure when or where....no. There is a lot of unanswered questions and unanswered prayers....but in due time when things are right - ultimately a decision will be made and things won't be so unanswered. Sometimes I feel like I could just write a novel and pour all my heart and feelings into my blog. But that would require me making my blog private which I am so against, as I still have friends from Alaska, College, and High School that try and keep up with it from time to time.

I pray for a day though that I can be accepted. For a day they'll be willing to get to know me. For a day people won't take others opinions or words and make them their own. A time when I can say "I've endured the worst, and now the best is yet to come:)" I know that the statement holds truth..."this too shall pass" and I have faith that me patiently waiting for that time to come will be beneficial. I question now (with the feelings I have) If I have ever been in Love. I know I have loved...but being IN LOVE is a much different feeling. I guess with the eternal perspective that is to be expected but I am now a statistic...one of the ones who can say "if only I knew then, what I know now"

I would delete a lot of the my previous entries, in fact I should. Truth of the matter is - I don't log in often enough to even update! I don't even think of posts I wrote when I was 18! Quite frankly my past is a part of who I am - as are the people of my past. The humorous posts of my PHASES, marrying Michael Phelps, or a testimony meeting I was inspired to blog about all mean something to me. Yes, I may be at a different Era in my life. In a whole new book, on a whole new shelf, in a whole new library, in a whole new state....but this is a journal. For my family to enjoy and keep up to date on my life. It elimates the questions - and I'm so glad we all have the blogs:) Basically I'm thankful for the gospel. I'm so indeed grateful for my amazingly supportive siblings. I know I can call upon each and every one of you in a time of need. I'm so grateful for Ryan and for the strong individual he is. I look up to him for what he was, what he is, and what he will be. I thankful for my parents and all the love and enduring kindness and support they offer me. They are awesome and I'm so glad I don't take them for granted. I'm thankful for the atonement and the fact that it never runs out. I'm thankful for good friends like Autumn, Rick and YSA to help me keep a sane head. I'm thankful for this trial - to test my patience and love. I know I'm strong. I know what I want, and what I need. I will get there when the time is right. With the wise words of Russ Hiatt persisting in the back of my head:

"When The Time Is Right, It Will Be."